I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
