im having a threesome with these popsicles
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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