Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you bring me the toilet please
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
