community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
