ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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