there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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