Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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