And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
