Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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