I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
