I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
