saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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