Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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