U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
