she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
