Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
