We're facebook friends in real life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
