Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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