Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
