I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
