my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
