saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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