Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
