if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
