Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
