So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
