its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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