I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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