I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
