i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
