I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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