Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
