What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
