Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
