My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
