Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
