you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
