i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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