i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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