why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
