Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
