Just mADE A PArabola og urine
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
