my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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