We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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