WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
