She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
