I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
COCAINE IS GR8
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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