thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
