Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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