i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
