Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
