she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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